OUT SAVING THE WORLD

But I'm Happy...Kinda
Read this for an insight as to why things sometimes (often?) suck around here.

I'm J-Dub and I approve this message at 3:02 AM |

Bak 2 Sküle
Ah, Mizzou. It's good to have 23,000 of my closest friends back in town. Today was one of those days when you run into someone you know on campus every 8 seconds. It was also one of those days where the novelty of going back to school has worn out. Let's take a look at my classes for the semester, shall we?
ANTHROPOLOGY OF WAR -- Anthro 125 -- Ref. No. 13540 -- MWF 10:00 GCB 105. Professor Reed Wadley, who wore the same shirt on the first day as seen in this photo, tends towards a "zany" vocabulary, heavy on "bonkers" and "pronto."
NEWS PRODUCING -- Journ 354 -- Ref. No. 48240 -- M 12:00 KOMU. "Instructor" (otherwise known as 5:00 p.m. anchor) Sarah Hill teaches how to write online columns about finding things in the crapper.
THE UNITED STATES SUPREME COURT -- Pol Sc 322 -- Ref. No. 66580 -- TR 9:30 Middlebush 136. Professor Rick Hardy takes a page from the Judy Werlin playbook and makes us all "simulate" being a Supreme Court justice for the semester. What if OSTW has to pretend to be Clarence Thomas for the next 3 months? A hearty Sandy Davidson "Oh my!"
HISPANIC LITERATURE II -- Span 232 -- Ref. No. 74640 --TR 2:00 Rothwell 202. Who has class in Rothwell Gymnasium? It's kinda weird.

This is also weird. Can we shoot them all into space?

I'm J-Dub and I approve this message at 5:39 PM |

Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
So, last week I saw a classified ad in the Columbia Daily Tribune...the Transportation Security Administration has to get federal security screeners at all commercial airports across the country by November 19th, because Congress says so. That includes Columbia Regional Airport (Motto: It's Just Like The TV Show "Wings.") That's right, lovely Columbia Regional, the airport with 6 commuter flights a day to St. Louis, nothing more, nothing less.

I applied--for shits and giggles. The preliminary application basically was name, address, and whether or not I had a high school education and understand English. I'm glad to see they're setting high standards.

This morning I got a phone call. They want me to go to St. Louis on Thursday for an assessment test. I assume this means they'll try to sneak guns and whatnot past me and see how well I do. The guy also said I should bring a voided check, so they can set up direct deposit, and that I might get fitted for a uniform. Gee, I wonder if they are desperate for employees?

Greeley Kyle and Chuck Gerwels would make excellent security screeners. These are two men who have all the bases covered. Also, Greeley is a 6'5", 230-pound black man whose wardrobe consists of muscle shirts.

OUT SAVING THE WORLD is excited at the news that it just might get to save the world by keeping Osama bin Badguy from hatching their evil plots at Columbia Regional. Don't get nothin' past me! Nuh-uh, foo.

I'm J-Dub and I approve this message at 1:33 PM |

Yeaaaaaaaa, if you could just go ahead and come on in at 5, that would be greeeeeeeeat.
So the phone wakes me up at 11:10 Thursday morning, and my spidey-sense tells me that it's KOMU calling. A bleary-eyed check of the caller ID confirms my initial fear.
"Ungh," I mutter to myself. I did a quick check of my pants pockets...I did not have the key to one of the KOMU Kias. Why the (relatively) early morning call?
Here, then, is a loosely recollected transcript of what follows [with internal monologue in brackets.]
Me: "Ungh." [I'm not happy that you are waking me up.]
KOMU: Hi, this is the desk at KOMU. We need you to go up in a hot air balloon this afternoon.
Me: "Ungh?" [Huh?]
KOMU: Yea, it's kind of a thing for promotions, we need someone to go up and shoot some video in the balloon.
Me: "Well, I was supposed to..."
Gary Grigsby, in the background: "Tell him it's a reward for doing well this semester."
Me: "Fine. I'll do it. Ungh." [I'm going to die today in a fiery hot-air balloon wreck.]

So, then, I did in fact get to take a ride in the KOMU hot-air balloon. (That's right. Our station doesn't have a helicopter, a real meteorologist, or even paid reporters. But, by-gum, we've got a hot-air balloon in NBC peacock colors with our logo on the side.) There's nothing like gliding above big trees and high voltage power lines on a 90 degree day with 8,000 degree propane burning 6 inches above your head while standing in a wicker basket. Also carrying a 35-pound, $25,000 television camera helps the experience too. Really, it was a beautiful trip. Landing, though, is an inexact science--as George the pilot explained it, "you just kind of bend your knees, hold on, and hit the ground. And, we'll probably tip over, so you should set the camera down first." Swell, George. Real swell.

I'm J-Dub and I approve this message at 2:32 AM |

OSTW Special Report: Summer 2002 In Review
Whether you're interested or not, here's a probably-not-so-quick summary of 'How I Spent My Summer (Non-) Vacation." If you think it's too long, no complaining....this is three months of blog entries all in one chunk, kiddos.
May 18-19 Theoretically, two days of actual "vacation" as SS02 was not yet underway. Sign these two days were especially bad: Highlight of these two days was the end of the year party at Phill Brooks' house.
May 20 First day of SS02, i.e., first day of the Greeley Kyle Experience. At 2:53 p.m., turned 21 years old while sitting on one of the Columns, facing Jesse Hall. A few people were around and willing to get together at Flat Branch for my birthday. You know who you are--thanks for coming.
May 21-May 30 It was only 11 days, but I feel like I lived at 2106 S. Arlene Dr. for an eternity. Any house with a designated "pot-smoking closet" is not for me. Also, lots of time spent with Greeley learning about "glottal fry."
May 31-June 2 Trip home. Watched the kiddos from BA graduate on June 2 and, in a way, felt like I was graduating all over again. Kind of a sad day on many levels. Made for a long, introspective drive back to Columbia.
June 3 Became a Missourian today. Driver's license, license plates, voter registration, bank account, and my complimentary Calvin-peeing-on-Ford-logo pickup decal. Classy. Also, moved in to the palace known as 3500 Delmar Ct.
June 3-July 3 Greeley, Greeley, KOMU, Greeley, KOMU, KOMU, Greeley, Greeley. Theme song for the month: Driving Me Mad by Neil Finn.
July 3-July 7 Trip home. Low point: Someone I thought was a good friend--for three years--said they weren't, so bugger off already. High point: Many true friends helped me through. Yet another long, introspective drive back to Columbia. Theme song: Last Goodbye by The Gufs.
July 7-9 Brief stop in Columbia. One shift at KOMU. But who really cares about that because...
July 10-15 After the events of the last trip home, and the last month to six weeks of hell, Greeley/KOMU style, there was no more relieving feeling than packing my bags, hopping in Earl, and hitting the road at 2:45 a.m. for KCI on my way to LONDON. First moment of true happiness: Crossing the Missouri River near Rocheport and realizing that yes, I was actually going to London (despite driving in the opposite direction.) Second moment of true happiness: Sprinting through the bowels of London Heathrow, trying to set some sort of world record by getting off the plane at 11:08 p.m. and making the last train to the city at 11:37 p.m. with immigration, baggage claim, and customs in between, and knowing that I would always remember the time I sprinted through Heathrow, and just realizing that I was far, far away from Missouri, the United States, and all the troubles I had left behind. Nate, Kara, Lor, Jill, Boy George, Nelson Mandela and I had one heck of a time. Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name.
July 15-25 More KOMU, but better times at KOMU. It turns out London acted as a nice buffer between the first half of the summer (crappy) and the second half (not too bad.)
July 26-30 I really don't care if Sen. Jean Carnahan made the AA/TWA merger go through. Alls I know is, it merged my frequent flyer accounts, which meant I had enough miles to visit California. It was pure relaxation, courtesy my wonderful friend Sarah and, of course, James "Enduro" Terry. I also met several new but equally wonderful folks--Stephanie and Katie get special recognition on OSTW for keeping in touch since. I also met two of my nephews and a niece, and mad props to Mark "Scrap" Biagtan, caretaker of the BA '99 skit archive, for showing me Stanford and a day of hard-core BA reminiscing.
July 31 Brief visit to Columbia, moving right along to....
August 1-August 5 Yet another trip home. Finally, third time's the charm...actually had a good time. Nothing quite like a brat and a beer at a county fair, or a beer with old friends in beautiful downtown Brookfield, or several beers with some of the best people Wisconsin HOBY has to offer (OSTW propz to Kamke for the festivities, and congrats to Angie and Peter,) and lest we let beer become the theme of this trip, do not forget that Blair, Karla and I did in fact have some 'Weed.
August 5-August 31 This brings us up to today, kids. More KOMU, more time spent puttering around the house, studying for the LSAT, and that's that.

I'm J-Dub and I approve this message at 4:39 AM |

And Now...Page 2.
Why the blog? Well, here at Mizzou (for all you OSTW readers fortunate enough to be reading from outside Boone County, Mo.) blogging has suddenly become part of the MU zeitgeist and I, for one, am not one to be left behind. After all, blogging screams "Mizzou" like "frat boy," "keg stand," or "racial and ethnic insensitivity and misunderstanding."

Well, not really. A bunch of my friends have blogs and it seemed like a kinda neat idea. I'm a dork.

On a more practical note (CAUTION: SELF-SERVING RATIONALE TO FOLLOW) I just don't get to see everyone very often, and this coming semester seems to be no exception. So maybe, loyal OSTW reader, you'll be able to keep track of me better these days.

Coming up next, the first OSTW Special Report: Summer 2002 In Review.

I'm J-Dub and I approve this message at 3:54 AM |

Welcome, Public Announcements, Disclaimers, Etc.
Let it be known the following facts:
1. The statistical odds that I will engage in a reckless act of conformity are vastly higher at 3:30 a.m. then they are at any other time of the day.
(Source: David Zhou)

2. This is the last time that Scott C. Collins will beat me to a trend.
Ever.

I'm J-Dub and I approve this message at 3:32 AM |