OUT SAVING THE WORLD

OSTW--4th News Minute
BROOKFIELD, Wis. -- No news here.

MILWAUKEE -- Overnight radio shifts are fun, to the extent no one else is around to bother you and you get paid for doing rather little. The fun ceases when the nocturnal body clock has to go back to "normal" in 24 hours. Turning the boat, as they say, ain't easy.

GRAFTON, Wis. -- Job interview tomorrow. Success is critical.

I'm J-Dub and I approve this message at 8:38 PM |

They say it was my birthday

Big ups (as they say) to everyone who passed along greetings on Friday, no matter the form.

Here's what horoscope maven J@cqueline B!gar has to say about my upcoming year:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY for Friday, May 20, 2005:
You have unusual energy and perception. You do better working with one partner or individual at a time. Don't scatter yourself, if possible. Use self-discipline with finances and avoid risks. Get past rigid thinking, and your creativity will soar. In fact, you become a solution-finder this year. You will see the results professionally in the second half of the year. If you are single, you can, if you wish, kiss that status goodbye. You certainly draw many admirers. If you are attached, you start acting like newlyweds. Enjoy. Schedule special getaways together. LIBRA is full of ideas.

I'm J-Dub and I approve this message at 9:41 PM |

Fun with lawsuits!
A few years back, three people sued the University of Missouri System because UM was charging tuition.

Sounds stupid, right? Problem is, a Missouri statute on the books dating to 1872 says the UM system shall provide education to Missouri residents "without payment of tuition."

UM's defense? "Uhhh...we don't charge 'tuition,' we charge 'educational fees.'" Right. And the University really isn't a 'university,' it's a 'degree granting institution.'

After a couple judges ruled UM to be full of crap, UM has concocted a settlement agreement to put together a $10 million scholarship fund for anyone who was a 16-to-22 year old undergrad and Missouri resident between January, 1995 and August, 2001.

Ha!

I'm J-Dub and I approve this message at 3:32 PM |

Good mornin' America, how are ya?
My old McDavid neighbor Dave Gusto. used to think train conducting would be a great job. His rationale: you could get to see the country and sing along to train songs. Also there was a funny hat involved, and train-horn-blowing privileges.

I'm beginning to rethink this idea.

There are two train lines that run through Brookfield, one eastbound, one westbound. The lines are about half a mile apart by my old house, thanks to local geography. There's quite a hill coming westbound out of Milwaukee; it's perhaps most noticeable on I-94 between Highway 100 and Moorland Road. It's a subcontinental divide: all the water east of it empties into Lake Michigan, west of it goes to the Mississippi watershed. So, the westbound line takes a slightly different route to grade up the hill more slowly, otherwise slow-moving trains just starting out from the old stockyards downtown would never make it.

I always used to think I lived close to train tracks. The eastbound line was maybe 1/4 mile north of my house, and big rumblers would make the windows shake a bit and all the dishes in the china cabinet would give a little rattle.

But, the westbound line catches up with the eastbound by my new house, so we're hearing double the traffic. And, that 1/4 mile cushion has been reduced to something more along the lines of 150-200 feet. (Google satellite map!) Not only do the horns make it sound like the trains are actually coming into the house, you can hear that high-pitched grinding sound of the wheels flying across the rails when the big ones go past.

The line is owned by Canadian Pacific Railway, and as much as I'd like to hope the cargo is primarily boring Canadian goods--like maple syrup and ice--there are probably all sorts of toxic goodies rolling past on a daily basis. And there's one Amtrak going past each day, the Empire Builder, on its Chicago-to-Seattle (or return) journey. We all know how stellar Amtrak's track (no pun intended) record is.

All that to tell you why I have the urge to watch The Station Agent once again. Except I'm going to have to turn up the volume every time a train goes past.



You didn't think you were going to get away without a funny, did you?


It isn't often something calls for a chortle, but this fits the bill.
Makes me realize I forgot to visit Janet at Mark Twain during my visit. You want your bun toasted? However, well-placed sources confirm that Janet still works at the Twain.

Speaking of former Twain employees
I also failed to run into Johnny, despite several recent sightings. That's too bad...more or less.

I'm J-Dub and I approve this message at 3:50 PM |

Work!
Well, not yet. But I have leads! On jobs! That involve law! And once again, I am over-using exclamation points!

I must work on my writing sample, because it sucks. And I need to fool around with my resumé a bit. So this is going to be a short post. So why not enjoy some Get Fuzzy from last week?



Yeah. Now that the road trip is over, back to the usual humdrum of posting funny things from other people. Humbug! Maybe tomorrow I'll be moved to write something more thought provoking and/or funny.

I'm J-Dub and I approve this message at 6:30 PM |

No need for a dateline
OSTW is no longer in the City of Los Angeles (Spanish for "City of Angels"). We've made appropriate dateline and time zone changes for the summer-long stay in Brookfield (Algonquin for "land of white people with two-car garages and minivans.")

Trip totals: BY THE NUMBERS
Miles: 2,256
States: 9
Counties: 65
Time zones: 4 (remember, Arizona is "standard!")
Highest elevation: 11,158 ft.
Lowest elevation: Probably damn near sea level
Gasoline total: Don't have the receipts handy, but ballpark $230
Former 'TMJ colleagues heard anchoring network newscasts: 2

Some Boone County-specific numbers
Fluid ounces of Boulevard Wheat consumed: If I remember correctly, 140
M-I-Z Z-O-U cheers I started at the end of J-school graduation: 1
Old friends seen en route, excluding Columbia, Mo. residents: 4
Old friends seen in Columbia, Mo.: 30 ish?
Old friends randomly seen at the 'Berg: 3
Cool new people I met in Columbia, Mo.: 2
Ridiculously awesome new people I met in Columbia, Mo.: 1

Ev'ry true son, so happy hearted
Every time I visit Columbia, I don't want to leave. Most times--especially on a graduation weekend--I worry irrational thoughts such as "well, after this trip, I won't know anyone in this town anymore." But, without fail, I end up meeting wonderful new people that give me great reasons to keep coming back.

Oh. And the Heidelberg. There's that, too.

So, here's to the 573, and hopefully a return visit sometime soon.

I'm J-Dub and I approve this message at 4:25 PM |

Party by the lake when the summer gets hot
When the snow falls everybody shovels a lot
I'm goin to Milwaukee
(Wilkommen su Milwaukee!)
Joe Caruso, "Milwaukee" (to the tune of Will Smith's "Miami")

BROOKFIELD, Wis. -- One week and nine hours after setting out from one mile inland of the Pacific Ocean, my great journey has come to a close. For now, OSTW is running on a 28.8 dial-up connection, which means I might as well be shooting signal flares into the sky and I'd get information back about as quickly. Later today, I will get to the local coffeehouse and broadband WiFi. With that will come the full trip recap and thoughts from BoCoMo. For now, the Day Six (of driving) recap:

Day Six: BY THE NUMBERS
Miles traveled: 470
States: 3
Counties: 20
Time zones: 1
Highest elevation: Again, no clue
Regular unleaded in Columbia, Mo.: $1.999
Regular unleaded in Brookfield, Wis.: $2.199
Record distance from Columbia, Mo. on one tank of gas: Set May 15, 2005, 461 miles, to New Berlin, Wis. (I've been making this trip since 1999, this is a big deal!)
Number of miles into Wisconsin before official welcome home via banjo-twangin' Menards ad on the radio: 34
Good to be back in Wisconsin but miss Boone County people already: Most definitely
...More...

I'm J-Dub and I approve this message at 1:04 AM |

Old Missouri, fair Missouri
Dear old Varsity
Ours are hearts that fondly love thee
Here's a health! to thee
Proud art thou in classic beauty
Of thy noble past
With thy watchwords
Honor, duty
Thy high fame! shall last
Missouri Alma Mater

COLUMBIA, Mo. -- I am home!

There's nothing quite like the nasty bumpy roads and adult bookstores to say "Welcome back to Missouri!"

Well, there's also the good reminders, like Simon Rose saying "102-three, B-X-Ah", and all those other little things that make a trip to Boone County so wonderful. Stopped by KOMU this afternoon--I only really know the faculty, but I did get to see my Ida, the originator of "J-Wo." And now I get three days without big long drives--and you get three days without blog updates (though bulletins will be posted at once.)

Back in KC, Chrissy's cats tried to kill me, but they're cute so I don't mind. And I had lunch with Kristin on the Plaza. Ahhh, Kansas City. So much better than St. Louis (don't tell Nelly and Chingy I said that.)

Day Five: BY THE NUMBERS
Miles traveled: 135
States: 2
Counties: 7
Time zones: 1
Highest elevation: No idea!
Regular unleaded in Overland Park: $2.02
Regular unleaded in Columbia: $1.99 (They still make gas less than $2!?)
Number of miles into Missouri before the first billboard for an, ahem, "adult establishment": 7
Number of miles into Missouri before the first pothole: 0.2
KOMU News: Coverage you can count on

I'm J-Dub and I approve this message at 4:41 PM |

Babe, I'm leavin', yeah I'm a-leavin' this mornin'
Goin' to Kansas City to bring Jim Jackson home
Janis Joplin, Kansas City Blues

OVERLAND PARK, Kan. -- Of all the places in the world for one's CD player to malfunction, half an hour west of Hays, Kan. is not the optimal place. Luckily, there's a decent radio station in Hays (the first song I heard was "How Bizarre" by OMC, which earned the station an instant J-Dub Seal of Approval) and menacing skies had me wanting weather updates on the radio anyhow.

Day Four: BY THE NUMBERS
Miles traveled: 600
States: 2
Time zones: 2
Interstates: 70, 435
Highest elevation: Denver, 5,280 ft.
Regular unleaded in Denver: $2.19
Regular unleaded in Overland Park: $2.02
Funniest Kansas local tourism sign: "Hutchinson: Come Share Our Space"
Most depressing Kansas welcome sign: "KANSAS -- THE WHEAT STATE"
lawrence, kansas: Sucks

I'm J-Dub and I approve this message at 4:29 PM |

"And the Colorado Rocky Mountain high, I've seen it raining fire in the sky.
The shadows from the starlight are softer than a lullaby.
Rocky Mountain high, Colorado."
John Denver, "Rocky Mountain High"

DENVER -- Nothing too unusual today, either, unless you count driving at an altitude where aircraft
would drop oxygen masks in the event of depressurization. (Pontiac doesn't offer that option...yet.)
My stay at 11,000+ feet was short lived, and now I'm down in the Mile High.

I did cross paths with local news, however. Some 19-year-old Mexican guy killed an off-duty cop here on Sunday while the cop was working a side gig at a dance hall. There's now a massive manhunt underway. The PM drive newsradio folks were talking about how the suspect had worked at a bar/restaurant that's part-owned by Denver's mayor, John Hickenlooper. (That's fun to say, isn't it? Maybe someday he'll run for governor, and we can use the words "gubernatorial" and "Hickenlooper" in the same sentence.)

Anyhoozle, one Ms. Motchan took us out to a local hangout called the Cherry Cricket. It's sort of a 'Berg type establishment. We saw a TV news live truck a block away on our way out but couldn't tell what was going on. The 10 PM news put 2 and 2 together...the suspect had been a dishwasher at the Cricket, which is part-owned by Hickenlooper. Now the mayor might take some heat because the suspect had no green card, and police think the suspect might already be back across the border by now.

Day Three: BY THE NUMBERS
Miles traveled: 355
States: 2
Counties: 9
Time zones: 1
Interstates: 70
Highest elevation: Eisenhower Tunnel, Colo., 11,158 ft.
Regular unleaded in Green River: $2.459
Regular unleaded in Denver: Forgot to look, check back tomorrow!
Funniest occurrence of the day: When Samir, the manager at the Green River Ramada, came out of
the back room to check me out wearing a grey t-shirt, blue PJ bottoms, and no shoes. He also
made a saluting gesture when he came out of the back room. Uhhh, good morning to you too, buddy.

I'm J-Dub and I approve this message at 1:24 AM |

"I'm standing in the middle of the desert
Waiting for my ship to come in
But now no joker, no jack, no king
Can take this loser hand
And make it win"
Sheryl Crow, "Leaving Las Vegas"

GREEN RIVER, Utah -- This is an offline post, thanks to wireless internet at the Green River Ramada
placed conveniently behind a Cendant firewall. Blogger, apparently, is not "business" related
enough to make the cut. (In any event, it appears the hotel manglement has taken its own internet
connection and slapped a wireless router onto it--the "you're not going THERE" page says "access by hotel guests is
strictly prohibited." Bah.)

Today's drive was pretty non-descript, except for the almost running out of gas whilst looking for
a gas station in Vegas part. Got to read the Las Vegas Review-Journal...a decent paper, unlike its
competition, the Las Vegas Sun, which once referred to "Kansas Gov. Bob Holden."

Day Two: BY THE NUMBERS
Miles traveled: 408
States: 3
Counties: 9
Time zones: 3 (Pacific Daylight, Mountain Standard--because Arizona has enough daylight, it doesn't
need to save any, but thanks, and Mountain Daylight)
Interstates: 515, 15, 70
Highest elevation: Somewhere in Sevier County, Utah, 7,923 ft.
Regular unleaded in Las Vegas: $2.439
Regular unleaded in Green River: $2.459
Funniest occurrence of the day: Will Ferrell on Letterman. Yeah, not much in the way of the funny
today. Blame it on the Mormon lifestyle.

I'm J-Dub and I approve this message at 1:23 AM |

"You might have survived Cleveland. You might have escaped from New York. But this is L.A., vato. And you're about to find out that this fucking city can kill anybody!"
Georges Correface as Cuervo Jones, "Escape from L.A."

LAS VEGAS -- I have escaped from L.A.

My new room looks surprisingly lived in, considering I moved in about 24 hours ago. But no time to enjoy it--the open road calls.

Went to the new Wynn casino/resort tonight in Vegas...hot DANG. It has its own Ferrari/Maserati gallery. Oh, and $100 minimum buy-in for no limit hold 'em. Um, yeah.

Day One: BY THE NUMBERS
Miles: 288
States: 2
Counties: 3
Time Zones: 1
Interstates: 405, 10, 15
Highest altitude: 4,730 ft. (Mountain Pass, Calif.)
Funniest road sighting: Beater cargo van in downtown LA, with *very* crude spray paint stencil reading "BIG MAN W/A BIG VAN MOVING 818.XXX.XXXX" The man behind the wheel, was, in fact, big.
Regular unleaded in Los Angeles: $2.559
Regular unleaded in Las Vegas: $2.439
Amount lost on no limit hold 'em at the Aladdin poker room: $110
Amount won on video poker slots at the Wynn: $2
What happens in Vegas: Stays in Vegas

I'm J-Dub and I approve this message at 1:55 AM |

This is the most ridiculously stupid thing I've seen in a while
Marquette University in Milwaukee used to be the Warriors.
Then, in 1993, under heat from Native American groups, the University changed its name to the Golden Eagles. That wasn't terribly popular, but hey..at least it's a mascot.

But in the past couple years, there's been more and more yakking from the alums to change it back to Warriors. So the university Board of Trustees thought, and talked, and the best...I repeat...the BEST idea the Board could come up with was to not go back to Warriors, not stay with Golden Eagles...but become the Marquette Gold.

That is not a mascot. That is a color.

I must, however, give props to the Journal Sentinel for this online graphic:


Marquette's new nickname...the 'Gold' [MJS]
Online forum for mascot suggestions [MJS]

I'm J-Dub and I approve this message at 7:48 PM |

Done! Done done done DONE.
Law School II: Electric Boogaloo is in the books. (Apologies again to L.F. Clark.)
Stay tuned to see if my grades earn me a pass into Law School III: The Revenge of Ken St@rr's Gold.

Watch your email/e-mail
--Everyone should get an email with my new Los Angeles address (or as one of my credit cards made the change of address, Los Angela) AND my new Wisconsin addresses

--People with Wisconsin connections will be getting an evite to my May 20th Birthday Bash. If you don't have Wisconsin connections but, for random reasons, will be in Milwaukee on May 20th, you're invited too!

If you don't get emails, I probably don't have your current address. Hook me up!

I'm J-Dub and I approve this message at 9:50 PM |

Yikes!
It's May...already.
That is all.

I'm J-Dub and I approve this message at 8:39 PM |